Glew parked on the street in front of Mrs. Jordan’s house after the sun set low enough so that a chill crept into my throat. Glew shivered. I shook my head. He said, “Okay, stud. Just give me a minute.”

“I’m coming in.”

He swallowed. “Well, she talks a lot. I mean…I mean…well…”

I climbed out of his car and stretched my back. He shut his door and then waved me forward as if he served as the doorman for a ritzy hotel. I walked up to him and urged him forward. He stumbled and then brought his hand up real quick and steadied the panama hat on his head. The white hat and the white suit and the white shoes. Old Glew could blind a bat.

Mrs. Jordan answered her door as if we were her dogs coming inside after relieving ourselves. Glew looked back at me and spread his hands. She walked to the kitchen island while he followed her. Once inside, Glew told her, “Don’t mind him.” Then he turned to me and said, “Now stay off the nice lady’s furniture.”

Mrs. Jordan looked my way, her green slits for eyes studying me. Her lip arched into a smile for a split-second but then vanished. “He can sit wherever he likes.”

I stepped into the living room and leaned back on the wall. Glew handed her an envelope. “There’s everything. Like I said, I’m sorry your suspicions were correct.”

She patted his hand. “No. No. I already knew.”

According to Glew, Mr. Jordan liked to spend his lunch hour at a motel with a woman who looked a lot like Mrs. Jordan. Glew gave the guy the benefit of the doubt at first, but he took it all in with his camera. There could be no question- same looks and probably similar personality to the misses, but just new and fresh without all the stuff that comes with marriage. Without the trap like folks like to call it. Maybe Mr. Jordan felt boxed in, like a caged raccoon.

Mrs. Jordan cut a check and handed it to Glew. Then she started sobbing. Glew tipped his hat back and embraced her. She cried harder. After a hug that I didn’t think would end without her finding herself having an affair of her own, Glew said, “I know. This is such a blow.”

She waved a hand. “Oh, it’s been over for years. I…I was…”

Glew said, “Yes?”

She said, “I was robbed.”

I leaned up from the wall.

Glew said, “Oh goodness. Well, that’s just awful. It’s so frustrating to lose your hard-earned money.”

She shook her head. “It isn’t the money. I had a picture in my purse of my brother. He…he hasn’t been with us for…a while and…he didn’t really like having his picture taken and…I don’t have much else to remember him by. And it’s just gone.”

Glew cut an eye toward me. I crossed my arms. “You have any idea who this thief might be?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t…things happen so fast…”

Glew touched her shoulder. “Of course, Mrs. Jordan.”

She dabbed at her eyes. Then she grew quiet. Glew looked at me. She said, “First my marriage goes. Now my memories will go. It’s easy to see why my aunt gave up. Everyone just leaves. She did, too, but hell…there’s just nothing you can do.”

Glew patted her shoulder. “We’re real sorry.”

She closed her eyes. “I should have never shopped at that grocery store. I knew things happened down there. So stupid.”

I said, “So about the thief. You’re sure there was nothing you recall?”

Glew looked at me with bulging eyes. She stared at me like she hadn’t seen me before. I gave her my saddest grin. She looked above me. “You know, he had a tattoo of rain right here.” She pointed to her forearm. “Yes. It was like streaks of rain.”

Two weeks dripped by with Glew and myself plopped in the seat of his car he’d parked in that same grocery store parking lot. We saw lots of folks go in and out. I didn’t get a vibe from most, except the occasional slob with a hint of scum about him. None of those fellows sported tattoos on their forearms though. Glew watched in between doing busy work for his private eye cases. A light rain pattered the windshield while the spring sun gave us enough warmth to roll our windows down. I said, “It’s easy to see. So many of these people walk in with their heads in their phones and stuck up each others’ rear ends. Going about their day, thinking Johnny Law will step in if there’s any trouble.”

Psst.

“Damn you, Glew. What are you doing?”

Glew held a dark blue bottle with some kind of insignia on it while wearing a smile on his long face. “Got you.”

I wiped my arm off. “Got no use for that crap you girly men spray on yourselves. A woman can’t be attracted to your pheromones when you smell like a flower…pansy.”

Glew sprayed his neck with the stuff. “Oh, let me tell you. This little blue bottle has gotten me plenty of ladies. I can name off five in the past month. How many can you name off, stud?”

I shook my head.

“It’s the way of the world. We can’t turn the clocks back. You just have to go with it. Although maybe-”

I shushed him and pointed to a man smoking outside the front door of the grocery store.

Glew said, “What?”

“The forearm. Watch.”

After a long drag, the man lowered his cigarette, revealing a tattoo on his right forearm.

Glew said, “Rain?”

“I’ll see.”

Once the man entered the store, I followed him around the different aisles. I passed him twice before he stopped at the beer aisle. I passed behind him and took a look at the tattoo. When I reached the front door, I gave a “thumbs up” sign to Glew. He started the car. After walking down the sidewalk and peering in the windows of a few more shops, I turned. The man exited the store, empty-handed. I followed him through the parking lot but he kept on walking until he reached the sidewalk. Glew idled his way to the parking lot exit.

I stayed back about twenty feet, breathing as hard as I could muster. The rainy forearm man stopped at the red light. So I pulled my phone from my pocket, turned it off and then placed it to my ear, mumbling. When the light turned green, Rainy stepped off the curve. Glew drove right in front of him, cutting him off. Rainy stopped, stumbling. Before I could turn away, he peered back at me. Then he took off across the street.

“Damn you, Glew.”

I walked to the light and then turned right. This guy could live in the apartments across the block. He looked the type. So I got about halfway and then sprinted to the next light where I turned left. From there, I bolted my way across with the alley up ahead growing closer. One old woman came out of a store. I flew by her. She gasped behind me. Sure enough, Rainy made a quick departure from the alley.

Thud!

I rammed the poor fool with my chest. He crashed to the cement, letting out a low moan. Glew pulled up in the car beside us and popped the trunk. I loaded the man into the trunk with one motion. Then I hopped in and we took off.

Ten minutes and several beats on the trunk later, Glew pulled us into an alley across town. We popped the trunk open. The man breathed hard with sweat pumping out of him from his forehead, chest, underarms and everywhere. He said, “You got nothing on me.”

Glew shined a flashlight beam into his face. I said, “You took a lady’s purse a few weeks ago. We need to know what you did with it.”

Rainy looked at me and then at Glew and back at me.

I said, “Tell us where it is and all this ends.”

Rainy wiped his forehead. “Ah, you two ain’t cops. You’re like somebody’s husband or boyfriend or something. And you wear crappy cologne.”

Glew said, “Hey, I’ll have you know that my choice in colognes has-”

I cut in with, “Just tell us where the purse is.”

Rainy shook his head. “I didn’t take no purse and you got nothing. Let me out of here or I’ll sue.”

Glew grabbed at Rainy’s foot, ushering me to slam the trunk lid on it. Rainy scrambled out of his grasp. I stopped Glew. I said, “Well, I guess he’s right. Ain’t nothing that says he’s got to tell us anything.”

Rainy smiled, revealing a missing tooth up front. “That’s right. Let me out of here or else.”

When he rose up, I placed my hand on his shoulder. “You know, we really don’t need any money or any purse. There was a picture in the purse of a brother that she’s never going to see again. It’s sentimental.”

Rainy paused. Then he shook his head. “Like I said-”

I kept my hand on his shoulder and leaned toward him. “You got a mama. Don’t you? A girlfriend? An aunt? A grandmama? Picture them losing a picture of you and it being the only thing left they have to remember you by. Because, you know, folks do disappear sometimes.”

Rainy stared into my eyes. I held it while he stuck his tongue through the gap in his teeth. He swallowed. “Somebody told me something about tossing a purse in the river out south. Just something I heard.”

“Thanks.”

Glew slammed the trunk lid and we climbed back inside while Rainy beat the trunk and yelled. Glew drove five miles below the limit the whole way. By the time we reached the river, the sun had settled on down with darkness taking over. Not one car passed us after we pulled onto the shoulder by the guardrail. We stepped back around and popped the trunk. Rainy said, “Let me out now!!”

I said, “You want to help us with the purse finding? Four eyes are better than two.”

Rainy said, “You stick it up your-”

I shut the trunk in his face. A series of muffled screams followed that indicated that he changed his mind. I chuckled and looked at Glew. “Drive him around for ten minutes and then we’ll let him help.”

Glew got in and drove away in no hurry while I climbed over the guardrail onto the riverbank, peering down with my flashlight beam on the murky water. A paper cup floated there along with a candy bar wrapper above the sticks below. Headlights flooded my peripheral vision. So I hunkered down until the car passed. I searched the water on over until I reached the start of the bridge at which point Glew pulled back up and popped the trunk open.

I checked both ways and then hopped over the guardrail. Rainy climbed out, cursing and swearing he’d sue us. I grabbed him up by his shirt collar and tossed him over into the murky waters. He dropped with a scream. Glew said, “Goodness, Fairfax.”

“Get on. I’ll holler when I need you.”

After placing my cell phone in a plastic bag and returning it to my pocket, I sprang over into the murky waters myself.

Plosh!

When I floated back to the surface, I shook the water from my mop of hair. A few drops caught Rainy in the eyes. He splashed water back at me. “There! How do you like it?”

I turned on my flashlight and aimed the beam ahead. I coughed. “Take this. It will go quicker if we’re both looking.”

I swam over to him and held the flashlight toward him. He shook his head. “I ain’t doing nothing but swimming back up to the bank and getting out of here and just wait until I spread word about you all. You can bet somebody will be by to pay you a visit.”

I tossed the flashlight, catching him in the eye.

He said, “Ow!! Damn it!”

I said, “Just look.”

From there, I swam under the bridge, pointing the beam in all directions. I peered back over my shoulder. The other light pointed in several directions as well. I smiled and continued on.

I swam on up on the other side until the water became shallow enough to where I could stand. My flashlight beam lit up lots of garbage and one black purse that Rainy said did not look like the purse “a friend” told him about. I smiled and nodded. I saw no pictures inside either. Rainy swam to my side. I caught him approaching from the side and shined my beam in his face. He said, “Ah. Oh. Hey, there.”

I kept the light shining in his face. “Yeah?”

He huffed. “Maybe it washed away.”

“No, no. Keep on looking. We’ll find it.”

He mumbled something. I pointed the beam back in his face. “What’s that?”

He put his head down and searched back over this side with his beam darting back and forth. I flashed mine on ahead and then I turned back. I stopped.

To my right, a snapping turtle watched me from an island. What a beast. I watched him. When he moved over an inch, I caught sight of something.

Rainy swam back over to me, aiming his beam in the same direction. “Ew. Them thangs can all die. Oh wait. Hell, that’s it!”

The turtle moved again, revealing a large white purse. I said, “You’re sure that’s it?”

Rainy nodded. “I am positive. I mean, that’s exactly how ‘they’ described it.”

“Hhmm. You want to go in and get it?”

Rainy shook his head, slinging water. “No, you can’t make me get in there with that thang. No!”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

I swam on by a few trees until I reached the island. From there, I climbed up onto a stump nearby. Then I watched the snapping turtle who opened his mouth at me. I took a breath and jumped onto the island behind the turtle. Before he could take off, I snatched him up from behind and tossed him at Rainy who screamed before he dove under. Then I picked up the purse. Sure enough, an instant film picture revealed itself of a dark-haired man who looked to be around forty who had slits of green for eyes.

Rainy splashed around in the water, screaming. I said, “Sshhh.” Then I dialed up Glew who answered on the first ring. “Yeah, I got it. Come on.”

Rainy sprang up from the water and swam like a killer whale back to the bridge where he took several deep breaths. I waited until Glew’s headlights lessened the darkness and tossed the purse onto the bridge. Then I dove back in the water and climbed up the hill to the bridge. Rainy screamed, “That thang about tore my titty off!”

I jumped over the guardrail next to Glew’s car. Glew already had a seat cover over the passenger seat with lots of towels there, too. I spat on the ground and tossed the purse inside.

Rainy flipped over the guardrail. “All right, now. You just better-”

I hopped into the car. Glew took off down the road. Rainy’s torn shirt flapped in the red beam from Glew’s brake lights. We laughed at that until we lost sight of the man with the rain tattoo.

We paid Mrs. Jordan a visit the next day. She nearly fell down when we returned her picture to her. She told us her brother served in Iraq and always gave a lot of of his paycheck to Wounded Warriors. I couldn’t help but picture sitting on the bank of a little pond with him, enjoying a brew and waiting for a big bass to grab onto our hooks- the kind of afternoon where you don’t have to say anything but you smile more than you ever did. Once she got done crying, she gave us both hugs. I gave her a can of mace and said, “You shop at that grocery store anytime you want and never forget. There’s always something you can do.”

Just before we got out the door, she called to us. When we turned, she took our picture with an instant film camera. She winked and said, “Now I’ll always carry two pictures with me.”

Thank you so much for reading!

For more Fairfax & Glew tales, check out volume one!